A fun look at depression

Okay I suffer from depression, well that's what the quack says. Personally I see it that I'm a realist in a world that is truly fooked.

But depression is a funny old thing really, now this week has been a fantastic week in Vimes world have done lots of things I've always wanted to do and a lot of things I love doing not to mention I have a week of doing nothing but lying around in the Sun just ahead. But even before the memory fades the dark clouds have started to gather and the old emotions get lower and lower the old interest in life starts to slide away and minor problems become small mountains that have to be scaled with only the use of a shoelace.

But why I honestly sit here and yes my life isn't perfect, but there really isn't anything seriously wrong, I'm not dying my wife and family isn't dying - well no more than normal as I've said for once in a long time I've been having the time of my life. But that isn't how depression works it twists within your mind and shows in paranoia and other little ways that gently distort how you think and feel.

First off you have the clinical side where the old brain isn't pumping the happy juice (oh yes high tech terms me) so you feel down because of a medical condition - in my case helped along because I have SAD - http://www.sada.org.uk/
Other than taking pills, which I hate doing, there is very little you can do about that.

But that is part of it the interesting part for me is how your mind reacts by looking for reasons for feeling down, yep despite my highly technical bit above the old mind goes looking for reason anyway. Now like I've said there is no obvious reason at the moment for feeling down so the paranoia kicks in and the old thought process goes something like this

Wow what a great weekend so good of all my mates to show up - But then it was the Star Wars exhibition, so a cheap ticket is an easy draw - but still they where there and it was a great day. They where but didn't you just end up looking a sad fool in front of them - well quite possible but it was fun and at least i got a laugh out of them - but they where laughing at you - but that was sort of the point. Anyway they planned it all and got the tickets sorted not to mention travel all that way on a Sunday just to be there - Yes and in some cases you barely spent any time with them - I tried and I spoke to all of them at some point - Did you try hard enough? - I think so and I certainly thanked them all - all? Did you thank them enough?- Yes I think so besides how do you thank people enough? - Well you know you are crap at showing excitement and gratitude- Well yeah but people know that -Equally did you thank them to much and now are thinking you are really creepy - I don't know - No you don't do you.

See now a nice little thing like going out with friends who have organised a nice thing for you becomes a paranoid nightmare over if you enjoyed yourself enough or too much and that's the only way I can explain depression except you take that and put it to every element in your life sometimes with more subtle sometimes with far less (looking in a mirror is often a mistake when feeling down).

How do you cope? Well I'm not the best person to advice I run between crawling up in a ball and preying the world will fuck off to writing a blog in an effort to take the piss out of the side of me depression thrives on. Seriously though if you recognise those symptons seek some help and talk to your GP about it they can help hell even start writing your own blog about it and feel free to send me the link I'm sure we can be depressed together.