How you doin?

Well the manik'ness of yesterday has calmed a bit leaving a weird contemplative mood.

See when trying to make up my mind how to feel about something, no strike that the very fact I have to decide how to feel about something is enough, you see depression often runs matters where feelings are concerned and from experience it isn't the best judge of situation.

I know, I know there is a theory that you can decide how you feel about anything

But frankly its bullshit something pisses you off then well, it pisses you off you just choose to show it or not the other detail is most people don't even think about it, but knowing you have a problem with emotion it makes you (or at least me) hyper aware of how I should be feeling and try to rationalise what is going on in the hope of understanding if it is current mood, depression or actually the situation that makes me feel the way I do.

So yeah massive over thinking going on here which is only going to lead to a viscous circle batter around for awhile cause annoyance and more grief until I finally let it go after all it is a combination of hundreds of things that make now and besides I'm buggering off camping at the weekend to test some gear out before Glastonbury hopefully it will give me the motivation needed to say bugger it take some time away again chill out and let people chase me instead of vice versa because on that I know I'm right.