In a blatant attempt of keeping my mind into this whole blogging thing and pinching a concept from here I give you a list of my top ten films (In no particular order).
Shaun Of The Dead - Fantastic horror comedy with loads of music based injokes
Hot Fuzz - By the makers of the above but moving the injokes onto film references
Kinky Boots - Just a good old fashioned Brit flick, down and outs do good sparking controversy on route.
Star Wars - Lucas counts this as one film so will I, every time I hear vader breath or a lightsaber I'm back to being a child again.
Usual Suspects - Crime dramas don't come slicker than this
Benny and June - Depps best role to date a really touching film
Fight Club - great acting and an original idea love it
House Of Flying Daggers - Visually the most stunning film I've ever seen
Pulp fiction - Very close run thing but possible Tarrantino's best film
Oooh the last one for the ten going to have to be
Lock Stock and Two Smoking barrels - Genius dialog and yet another great British film
Wednesday, 31 October 2007
Friday, 19 October 2007
Sick and tired
Sick and tired of being sick and tired
Okay depression aside I've not been a well bunny and have suffered for years from chronic repetitive migraines/headaches which was never fun. Then towards the end of last year I finally found a pill that touch wood has dealt with that problem I now getting migraines and headaches far less often - yippee!!
But then towards the end of last year a new joy was to be had with crippling stomach pains which did seem to be aligned with eating certain foods (Tomatoes, Chilies, Peppers etc) but the trigger foods kept changing and the list kept growing so off back to the docs who diagnosed a possible stomach ulcer so lots more tests to be had including a fair few to check it isn't cancer something my doctor says is a possibility since it runs in the family.
Now it seems strange but I actually hope the tests find something, because if not I have to continue getting tests and half arsed cures which of course is what happened for years with the headaches.
Add to this over the last 12 months I've had a lump removed that was potentially cancerous and a rumbling appendix I'm starting to wonder if I was built right.
Its all so fucking annoying
Okay depression aside I've not been a well bunny and have suffered for years from chronic repetitive migraines/headaches which was never fun. Then towards the end of last year I finally found a pill that touch wood has dealt with that problem I now getting migraines and headaches far less often - yippee!!
But then towards the end of last year a new joy was to be had with crippling stomach pains which did seem to be aligned with eating certain foods (Tomatoes, Chilies, Peppers etc) but the trigger foods kept changing and the list kept growing so off back to the docs who diagnosed a possible stomach ulcer so lots more tests to be had including a fair few to check it isn't cancer something my doctor says is a possibility since it runs in the family.
Now it seems strange but I actually hope the tests find something, because if not I have to continue getting tests and half arsed cures which of course is what happened for years with the headaches.
Add to this over the last 12 months I've had a lump removed that was potentially cancerous and a rumbling appendix I'm starting to wonder if I was built right.
Its all so fucking annoying
Wednesday, 17 October 2007
And crash
Well the feeling good about myself lasted longer than I expected, right up until I decided to transfer my pictures from camera to PC.
Christ I do look like Jason Voorhees I really do
Media paranoia over looks aside I look unhealthily fat, suppose I should do something about it but I have the will power of a gnat as my many attempts to quit smoking have proved. But no I really should do something about it and quitting smoking wouldn't hurt either - in fact I think I told people I would quit in the near future suppose in the not so dim and distant I should really get around to it.
But where the hell do I start?
Eat less? Average day I don't eat a lot anyway and most of what I do is fruit and vegetables, I've cut right down on how much bread I eat and due to the stomach ulcer don't eat a lot of processed junk and take aways because i need to know whats in my food.
Exercise more? Okay this I should do as I've even stopped taking my 30 minute walk at work due to being so fecking busy (As I type this I'm currently fielding calls and running remote links to users PCs) after 10 hours of this and travelling each day I really cannot be arsed when I get home, which isn't a great excuse I know but who cares....
Then you have my great friend depression why bother? Just sleep, wont make any diffrence constantly running around at the back of my mind. Pity is exercise is good for depression and for SAD so you can see why i really need to get moving on this...
Oh well we'll see
Christ I do look like Jason Voorhees I really do
Media paranoia over looks aside I look unhealthily fat, suppose I should do something about it but I have the will power of a gnat as my many attempts to quit smoking have proved. But no I really should do something about it and quitting smoking wouldn't hurt either - in fact I think I told people I would quit in the near future suppose in the not so dim and distant I should really get around to it.
But where the hell do I start?
Eat less? Average day I don't eat a lot anyway and most of what I do is fruit and vegetables, I've cut right down on how much bread I eat and due to the stomach ulcer don't eat a lot of processed junk and take aways because i need to know whats in my food.
Exercise more? Okay this I should do as I've even stopped taking my 30 minute walk at work due to being so fecking busy (As I type this I'm currently fielding calls and running remote links to users PCs) after 10 hours of this and travelling each day I really cannot be arsed when I get home, which isn't a great excuse I know but who cares....
Then you have my great friend depression why bother? Just sleep, wont make any diffrence constantly running around at the back of my mind. Pity is exercise is good for depression and for SAD so you can see why i really need to get moving on this...
Oh well we'll see
Tuesday, 16 October 2007
I'm back!
Yes finally I have work time to waste after returning from a rather genius Holiday in Spain
A totally new experience for me a holiday without daily route marches in an effort to go somewhere new, instead there was alcohol and sunshine and plenty of time to soak them both up fan funking tastic.
Plus -as if a another bonus was needed- I was surrounded by people I love, my wife and two of my best mates.
Really not doing my moaning and cynical much good here am I?
Suppose I could launch into a rant about the worst elements in Spain, the British tis true. Go to Spain find a glaring fleapit with as much tackiness and selling as much over priced shit as possible and you can bet it has a heavy British influence, find the loudest most obnoxious drunk they'll be British, each and every time. They want us to believe the trouble with Britain is immigration but the fact is the problem with the world is British emigration.
But enough more about me me me!
Okay an interesting point -well it was for me- as normal at the start of the holiday self confidence was at its standard low and I was pretty much convinced I would be playing the Jason Voorhees to the others Sun lake campers routine, this not being helped by both SJ and Dory being beautiful and deedub being good looking in that strange skinny bloke way thats popular at the moment, it was a tough mental challange just to don shorts instead of jeans let alone remove the normally perminantly attached baggy T shirt and expose flesh to the the sun.
But what fascinated me was the others felt the same way, just in diffrent ways either too skinny, or no shape or too fat or too shapely I mean ffs between us we probally had one perfect looking couple! But of course it was rubbish but in the absurdity of it I released how daft I was being, yes okay it wasn't a sudden rebirth with me believing I was some adonis but shit some times depression is absurd. Yes I might not win any beauty awards but lesson learned if I'm going to preach anti media induced body image twoddle I really should start living it a bit more and relax about it.
So I did happy in the fact I was surrounded by beautiful people more importantly they are beautiful friends - yeah okay and it was helped by the realisation that actually we all where closer to the media perfection than 99% of the other hotel guests.
Okay stopping now before we all drown in a sea of soppy sentimentality
A totally new experience for me a holiday without daily route marches in an effort to go somewhere new, instead there was alcohol and sunshine and plenty of time to soak them both up fan funking tastic.
Plus -as if a another bonus was needed- I was surrounded by people I love, my wife and two of my best mates.
Really not doing my moaning and cynical much good here am I?
Suppose I could launch into a rant about the worst elements in Spain, the British tis true. Go to Spain find a glaring fleapit with as much tackiness and selling as much over priced shit as possible and you can bet it has a heavy British influence, find the loudest most obnoxious drunk they'll be British, each and every time. They want us to believe the trouble with Britain is immigration but the fact is the problem with the world is British emigration.
But enough more about me me me!
Okay an interesting point -well it was for me- as normal at the start of the holiday self confidence was at its standard low and I was pretty much convinced I would be playing the Jason Voorhees to the others Sun lake campers routine, this not being helped by both SJ and Dory being beautiful and deedub being good looking in that strange skinny bloke way thats popular at the moment, it was a tough mental challange just to don shorts instead of jeans let alone remove the normally perminantly attached baggy T shirt and expose flesh to the the sun.
But what fascinated me was the others felt the same way, just in diffrent ways either too skinny, or no shape or too fat or too shapely I mean ffs between us we probally had one perfect looking couple! But of course it was rubbish but in the absurdity of it I released how daft I was being, yes okay it wasn't a sudden rebirth with me believing I was some adonis but shit some times depression is absurd. Yes I might not win any beauty awards but lesson learned if I'm going to preach anti media induced body image twoddle I really should start living it a bit more and relax about it.
So I did happy in the fact I was surrounded by beautiful people more importantly they are beautiful friends - yeah okay and it was helped by the realisation that actually we all where closer to the media perfection than 99% of the other hotel guests.
Okay stopping now before we all drown in a sea of soppy sentimentality
Friday, 5 October 2007
Rambling
Nobody is talking on the forums, guess the lazy feckers are actually doing some work or something.
So I'll just post a rambling thread here instead just for my audience of 4
Poor feckers
So this is my last day at work before jetting of to hopefully sunny Spain for a week and so far it has been a fucking shite week, if something at work could go wrong it has often in major stylee so bugger talking about work as its Friday and I'm sick of the place well in need of a Holiday.
Am currently thinking I wish I could do more for the couple who we are going on holiday with, so far this year they have been excellent to us but I feel we have done nothing for them other than be a burden. I know these feelings are heightened by the fact I'm a paranoid depressive nut, but still doesn't mean its not true. Just means it bugs me more than it would other people and fuck knows friendships are hard enough at the moment.
Relationships V Depression
I find relationships really difficult partly because I've always been fairly solitary (not always by choice) but because of the way depression effects me and my way of thinking. I just really struggle to accept that people like me and it really doesn't matter what they do to change that, even to the point a few have gone out of their way to be nice and friendly which ends up leaving me feeling worse because I have no idea how to return the favour and if I cannot return it I feel I'm missing an obligation, which when not returned makes me look like a I'm ungrateful and using them, thus they cannot like me.
Or maybe they don't like me and depression has nothing to do with it, which is always an option.
What also tends to happen is I over compensate for lacking the correct emotional response and must come across over the top and slightly creepy specially as I can never gauge how much somebody likes me so people who are nice in passing get called friend etc. So it's all pretty fucked really
Though possible I'm beating myself up for no reason, which is always an option.
But your married so relationships cannot be that hard?
Oh trust me in the beginning it was but I found somebody who actually enjoyed straight talking and understands that I'm detached at times. Being able to be brutally and bluntly honest with somebody is liberating and I think she likes it as well after all yes I do say some fairly horrible shit at times like "Your talking to much" and "No actually you don't look fat in that but you do look old" which must be a body blow but it also means she gets the flip side I don't pull punches if i like something or when (everyday) she looks good. I also don't play it cool so my comments aren't moderated to the situation and I give them freely and easily.
She also understands me to an extent and understands how I react to situations, like if I'm moaning a lot she knows it isn't personal and I'm actually really uncomfortable in the situation and misdirecting another common fault of mine.
More importantly we love each other and its something I have haven't doubted in years, no matter how far down I go, I have that and it really makes a shit load of difference even though I don't know why I don't doubt that, its just fixed in my mind and doesn't seem to change.
So yeah another post about depression but with a ray of sunshine.
So I'll just post a rambling thread here instead just for my audience of 4
Poor feckers
So this is my last day at work before jetting of to hopefully sunny Spain for a week and so far it has been a fucking shite week, if something at work could go wrong it has often in major stylee so bugger talking about work as its Friday and I'm sick of the place well in need of a Holiday.
Am currently thinking I wish I could do more for the couple who we are going on holiday with, so far this year they have been excellent to us but I feel we have done nothing for them other than be a burden. I know these feelings are heightened by the fact I'm a paranoid depressive nut, but still doesn't mean its not true. Just means it bugs me more than it would other people and fuck knows friendships are hard enough at the moment.
Relationships V Depression
I find relationships really difficult partly because I've always been fairly solitary (not always by choice) but because of the way depression effects me and my way of thinking. I just really struggle to accept that people like me and it really doesn't matter what they do to change that, even to the point a few have gone out of their way to be nice and friendly which ends up leaving me feeling worse because I have no idea how to return the favour and if I cannot return it I feel I'm missing an obligation, which when not returned makes me look like a I'm ungrateful and using them, thus they cannot like me.
Or maybe they don't like me and depression has nothing to do with it, which is always an option.
What also tends to happen is I over compensate for lacking the correct emotional response and must come across over the top and slightly creepy specially as I can never gauge how much somebody likes me so people who are nice in passing get called friend etc. So it's all pretty fucked really
Though possible I'm beating myself up for no reason, which is always an option.
But your married so relationships cannot be that hard?
Oh trust me in the beginning it was but I found somebody who actually enjoyed straight talking and understands that I'm detached at times. Being able to be brutally and bluntly honest with somebody is liberating and I think she likes it as well after all yes I do say some fairly horrible shit at times like "Your talking to much" and "No actually you don't look fat in that but you do look old" which must be a body blow but it also means she gets the flip side I don't pull punches if i like something or when (everyday) she looks good. I also don't play it cool so my comments aren't moderated to the situation and I give them freely and easily.
She also understands me to an extent and understands how I react to situations, like if I'm moaning a lot she knows it isn't personal and I'm actually really uncomfortable in the situation and misdirecting another common fault of mine.
More importantly we love each other and its something I have haven't doubted in years, no matter how far down I go, I have that and it really makes a shit load of difference even though I don't know why I don't doubt that, its just fixed in my mind and doesn't seem to change.
So yeah another post about depression but with a ray of sunshine.
Thursday, 4 October 2007
Gone
Bloody hell nearly a week without a post wish I could say it was because I've been leading a wild and exciting life but I haven't.
I even wish I could moan about crippling writers block and the torture this involves (well that's what writers would have you believe, but lets be honest for me and 90% of people writers block is just life)
In fact I have had a few hundred ideas for blog posts, possible far to many to be honest most of which will be ignored in favour of rambling. Just, and sorry for the tedium of it, I've been busy as arseholes at work.
Really would love to launch into a tirade of abuse about work at this point but there is a chance the people at work read this blog and would soon work out who I am - IE the dipstick that takes one lot of peoples abuse when another lot of people balls up.
Oh bless tis been a strange week starting on the upward swing of a massive high mentally which mixed well with a fantastic weekend with good friends then off to see Alabama 3 possible the greatest band around today (I my very biased opinion) but now wait for it lots of fun burning the candle at both ends and boom tiredness mixed with finally having peaked out on the old emotional roller coaster and we are off and flying again don't seem to be heading down though more the good old paranoid kicking in but am currently refusing to go down.
Would help if work wasn't so frigging busy I'm getting short tempered with people and reacting to people badly purely because I don't have time or energy to think on a proper reply.
I even wish I could moan about crippling writers block and the torture this involves (well that's what writers would have you believe, but lets be honest for me and 90% of people writers block is just life)
In fact I have had a few hundred ideas for blog posts, possible far to many to be honest most of which will be ignored in favour of rambling. Just, and sorry for the tedium of it, I've been busy as arseholes at work.
Really would love to launch into a tirade of abuse about work at this point but there is a chance the people at work read this blog and would soon work out who I am - IE the dipstick that takes one lot of peoples abuse when another lot of people balls up.
Oh bless tis been a strange week starting on the upward swing of a massive high mentally which mixed well with a fantastic weekend with good friends then off to see Alabama 3 possible the greatest band around today (I my very biased opinion) but now wait for it lots of fun burning the candle at both ends and boom tiredness mixed with finally having peaked out on the old emotional roller coaster and we are off and flying again don't seem to be heading down though more the good old paranoid kicking in but am currently refusing to go down.
Would help if work wasn't so frigging busy I'm getting short tempered with people and reacting to people badly purely because I don't have time or energy to think on a proper reply.
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