Funny in a kind of horrible ironic way isn't it that people are always ready to spout stories of horrible things happening to other people in order to give you perspective on your problems.
But is there a point where you can say yes but my life has been so mundanely shit for so long I really want to just give up living? Yes okay for me the depression is a large part in whats doing to talking but that aside truly come on. Yes okay I'm not being held at gun point in a Bombay hotel or starving in Africa but you know since the end of June the luckiest thing that has hap pend to me is that my Mum wasn't more seriously hurt when she fell down the stairs.
Now think about whiled I'm truly happy we got lucky and she wasn't badly hurt wouldn't have been a bit nicer if she hadn't fallen at all? So she didn't have to be sore and bruised so she wasn't slightly scared of going up and down stairs by herself. You know like every day when we haven't been lucky enough to not have her not hurt falling down the stairs.
Okay maybe today with Dory being ill. me having to rely on public transport, AOL deciding that suddenly we owe them 5 months payments despite neither them or the bank telling us that was the case so we have no home Internet things are particularly bad. But I don't see it getting better anytime soon and it hasn't suddenly dropped to being this rubbish just a seemingly never ending string of shit.
So am I allowed to give up yet?
Friday, 28 November 2008
Wednesday, 12 November 2008
Love will tear us apart
Funny world really somethings that should hurt don't and some things that shouldn't do.
I've reached they point with a friend I can no longer deal with them so I've basically told them to go away which was a bit politer than my normal fuck off but then I don't burn bridges where it can be helped.
Thing is I feel quite good about it and I probably shouldn't because they are in a bad place but there is a limit to how much I can take in the form of them playing the victim over things I'm also tired of only being contacted when they either want help or want to moan because seemingly treating people equally means having to treat some people as more equal than others - a political hot potato most of my friends know to steer clear off with me.
Fair enough a lot of that is my problem I've always told them to contact me should they need something but after 4 months with only being talked to 3 times twice to moan once to ask for help I've pretty much realised I'm not wanted - lol. One of the bitterly funny things in this is one of the accusations chucked at me has been not knowing what is going on obviously I missed the days training in telepathy, trouble is then I find out whats going on and find what is said by them even when balanced out is mostly half truths I know they are half truths because when I mention them to this person they're blatant lies obviously they missed the remember what you told people course my only hope is other people will see through this ruse as well.
This as these things do reached a head when I received yet another whine this time both publicly and in private and on trying to placate things because they where starting to sound unsettlingly paranoid I received yet more blunt refusals to admit any blame for anything and a load of well frankly scarily paranoid ravings insulting and accusing not just me but a number of my friends, at the moment this is not something I feel I can deal with and until they learn to stop playing the victim I cannot see myself putting the extra effort in specially because it looks like anybody who doesn't buy the victim story is getting cut loose anyway, I don't think that's the best way to help them and I cannot stand by and watch others do it.
The 11th of the 11th is always a strangely cathartic day for me where a load of the ongoing stress in my mind gets put in order and perspective and I've realised what ever people think - and this person isn't clever enough to tell their side of things to people who wont report it back to me - I know I've done the right thing and at this blog entry I leave it my door will always be open to an extent but from here on in I want no further part in their pathetic games.
I've reached they point with a friend I can no longer deal with them so I've basically told them to go away which was a bit politer than my normal fuck off but then I don't burn bridges where it can be helped.
Thing is I feel quite good about it and I probably shouldn't because they are in a bad place but there is a limit to how much I can take in the form of them playing the victim over things I'm also tired of only being contacted when they either want help or want to moan because seemingly treating people equally means having to treat some people as more equal than others - a political hot potato most of my friends know to steer clear off with me.
Fair enough a lot of that is my problem I've always told them to contact me should they need something but after 4 months with only being talked to 3 times twice to moan once to ask for help I've pretty much realised I'm not wanted - lol. One of the bitterly funny things in this is one of the accusations chucked at me has been not knowing what is going on obviously I missed the days training in telepathy, trouble is then I find out whats going on and find what is said by them even when balanced out is mostly half truths I know they are half truths because when I mention them to this person they're blatant lies obviously they missed the remember what you told people course my only hope is other people will see through this ruse as well.
This as these things do reached a head when I received yet another whine this time both publicly and in private and on trying to placate things because they where starting to sound unsettlingly paranoid I received yet more blunt refusals to admit any blame for anything and a load of well frankly scarily paranoid ravings insulting and accusing not just me but a number of my friends, at the moment this is not something I feel I can deal with and until they learn to stop playing the victim I cannot see myself putting the extra effort in specially because it looks like anybody who doesn't buy the victim story is getting cut loose anyway, I don't think that's the best way to help them and I cannot stand by and watch others do it.
The 11th of the 11th is always a strangely cathartic day for me where a load of the ongoing stress in my mind gets put in order and perspective and I've realised what ever people think - and this person isn't clever enough to tell their side of things to people who wont report it back to me - I know I've done the right thing and at this blog entry I leave it my door will always be open to an extent but from here on in I want no further part in their pathetic games.
Tuesday, 11 November 2008
Today
90 years ago today the first world war ended, a day we attempt to remember the millions and millions of people of all nationalities who died fighting for one persons belief or another, most of all for me I remember today my Grandfather only a hero to those who knew him shot and wounded by a sniper in Notredame so he got an early trip home but was laid up in a military hospital until long after the end of the war. A man who never bragged of war who would rarely say more than a little about it all but today and on remembrance Sunday he would remember being there and his shoulders would drop for the friends he lost.
So today I remember and I shed a few tears not for him as such my memory of him are mostly happy, not for the millions of lives lost I have no comprehension of loss on that scale but because it continues and we seem to have learned nothing.
So today I remember and I shed a few tears not for him as such my memory of him are mostly happy, not for the millions of lives lost I have no comprehension of loss on that scale but because it continues and we seem to have learned nothing.
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