New beginning a late introduction

Okay a bit of house clearing and on we go, I realise looking back I've never written an introduction to this blog.

So hello my friends call me Vimes for no other reason as that is the moniker I go by on web forums and what when I get the chance I introduce myself by if I can get away with it - cause its far trendier than my real name.

I have what the doctors call bipolar affective disorder or Manic depression in old money
Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manic_depression

I like to get that up front as in many ways this blog is my way of charting how this effects my daily life and possible just possible help some people understand how this disorder works from my point of view. Another point I should add here is I don't take medication for the disorder that is my personal choice, I don't often get to choose my mood but I can choose to have feelings from my experience the drugs available remove emotions entirely and leave, certainly leave me like a zombie it's not for me though do use certain drugs to help deal with the extremes on a as and when needed basis.

To be clear here I would highly recommend to anybody to get a prescription and try what the doctor offers going back until you find the right thing for you, including counselling I cannot stress enough how important that is I am at a position where whiled I don't have control I can understand what is happening and why, getting to this stage has not been easy I'm a long way from good and have needed help nearly all the way. To some extent this blog is part of that.

But anyway back to me me me I'm pretty much average I have very little pretense to being anything else, average rather dull job I am a bit of a loner luckily as much by choice as by the fact I have the personality of an old cabbage (smell slightly like one as well). that said I do have some great friends I'm just not very good at being a friend this touches a bit of a nerve at the moment so I wont go into that but will direct you to two previous blog entries that escaped the cut 1, http://hereandbackagainamuppetstale.blogspot.com/2007/10/rambling.html and 2. http://hereandbackagainamuppetstale.blogspot.com/2007/09/fun-look-at-depression.html
It is a subject that I find morbidly interesting which I'll return to again no doubt.

Ironically writing an intro this far into owning a blog seems oddly right but likewise its writing this I realise that I haven't been true to myself by deleting parts of what has gone, trouble is stuff written whiled on a downer often once the mood has passed reads so melodramatic and I hate it, which does sum things up really as I do hate the dark moods this disorder can plunge me into but it becomes self hate and tends to kick off another low stage that's a viscous little circle.

Any hoo enough twaddle for now

Day 1

Christ knows why I'm starting another Blog I always forget them in about a month or so.

But I guess it fills a need to yatter on aimlessly, which I rarely get to do these days specially as in less than a month I turn 30, 12 days to be precise.

Right I have a plan I'll start by moaning my arse off then the rest of the posts on this blog right up until I forget about the thing will look cheerful in comparison.

So whats wrong:
I have a stomach ulcer it regularly hurts like a bitch and gives me this amazing ability to not fancy anything, but I eat like a pig.

I'm slowly losing my mind, no really somethings not working up there. My memory has gone from that state of Ho ho ho I've forgotten to do something again, to vast moments of not knowing who or where I am, words get jumbled up as I say them, recent memory is so bad at times I forget sentences half way through saying them and putting stuff down has become a major risk of never seeing it again.

Tis all a bit fooked

Whats right

I'm off on holiday to Spain soon with the wife and two of our best mates, well I am if I ever see my passport again - oh yes put it down should have stapled it to me arse really.

Its my birthday soon, really not sure if this is a good thing or not. I actually hate my own birthday whiled loving other peoples. This one being my 30th only seems to be compounding the issue because everybody seems to think it should be a special one pity they haven't all got together and decided to make it special instead I have a pile of diffrent people all pulling in diffrent ways and I'm sap enough to want to try and please everybody.

Erm so far I'm crapping all over my things that are right so moving swiftly on I have my wife who for the sake of blog publicness will be henceforth called Dory, because she is a natural blue and beautiful with it. Together for 8 years and I'm still as head over heals with her as I was when we first started dating, without her this blog would have been called diary of a manic depressive.